The Love Bug
by Alle Meine Entchen
Summary: Mrs. Bennet's attempt to neutralize the heir to Longbourn fail with unintended side effects. One shot humor


The Love Bug

Mrs. Bennet was frantic. Just this morning her husband announced that the heir to Longbourn was coming to visit at 4 p.m. She was trying to remember what she had done with the special herbs she had collected.

Mr. Bennet didn't realize, as she had been careful keeping it from him, but Mrs. Bennet had been raised amongst herbs. Her mother and grandmother were what were called "wise women", meaning they knew the healing properties of plants. She had passed the knowledge on to her two oldest, but her other daughters were not interested. Jane and Elizabeth spent many a happy hour in the still room.

Finding the chest where she kept her special herbs, she carefully opened up the chest. She had never done this before, but she had no choice know. The heir was coming. With these herbs, it would appear as if this Mr. Collins' heart had simply given out. All she needed to do would be to make him a special cup of tea as he settled in.

Fanny Bennet was not an especially smart woman, but she wasn't stupid, either. She had read the entail papers and understood that if this Mr. Collins died before having legitimate children then her home would go to the oldest male child of Jane's. Jane was so easy to manipulate she would always have a home.

Watching Mr. Collins walk into the house, she realized she would get away with it. He was heavy set and sweaty. Having Hill show him to his room, she went into the kitchen to personally supervise the tea she would send up to his room. From what the journals of the wise women in her family stated, the tea would make him want to sleep and he would never wake up.

Sending the tea up to his room, she went to her personal sitting room to relax and wait for her tea to take affect. As she was waiting, she decided to skim over the journals to refresh her memory on some of the different potions that were passed down from generation to generation. Looking fondly at some that she had used (there was a lust potion that had gained her Longbourn) and some she wished she could have used, she heard a commotion in the hallway.

Leaving her bedroom she caught quite a sight! Mr. Collins alive and kissing Mary in front of the servants and Lydia!

"Oh, Mr. Collins, how wonderful you have chosen my Mary to be the next mistress of Longbourn!" she fluttered, confused how the heir was still alive. Unless he had not drunk his tea, he should be in an eternal sleep.

Mr. Collins had stopped kissing Mary during Mrs. Bennet's interlude and realized what had happened. He turned red, then stuttered (most of which was concerning Lady de Bourgh) and looked faint. Mr. Bennet had come to see what the upheaval was and seeing what it was, invited Mr. Collins to visit him in his study.

Mrs. Bennet made an excuse about her nerves and went into her room. She had noticed through the open door that Mr. Collins had drunk his tea. She wondered why it had not the effect it was supposed to. She hurried back to her room to study the herbs she had used to make the tea.

Upon fetching the jar she used to make Mr. Collin's special tea, she realized what she had made Mr. Collins was a love tea. Even though she had originally wanted him dead, she realized having Mr. Collins compromise her plainest (and the one who was the most like a blue stocking) daughter worked in her favor as well. No daughter would turn her own mother out of her house.

As she looked at the jar, she realized why she had never used it. Her mother and grandmother warned her that this particular potion had strong permanent effects. One sip of it made as a tea could cause a love like state that would cause all rational thought to leave a person's body. She had been warned against using it for a few simple reasons: it was a lasting effect and it would not always work on the person you thought it would work on. Her grandmother once told her it would work on the person you were fated to love, that's why it was a permanent affair.

Realizing this, she mused that Mary would make a good parson's wife, she was always sermonizing. She wondered how she could use this tea to her advantage. The daughter she thought would be the hardest to marry off would be her Elizabeth. That girl spoke her mind far too often, making it sure she'll never marry. A man likes a woman who looks good and keeps a good table, not one that can balance the tenant books or argue about Shakes-sphere.

The next week she held a dinner party in which the Netherfield party was invited. She decided she would serve her special tea. If Mr. Bingley was meant for her Jane, then she would get her oldest married off, especially since he has 5,000 a year. If Elizabeth sparked anyone's interest, then she would enjoy having her least favorite married off.

After the separation of the sexes, she instructed her newly engaged daughter pour the tea. She made sure the single men got her "special" love tea and the married men received normal tea. Watching the men drink their tea, she smiled to herself. She would have her daughters married off by the end of the week, she guaranteed.

Mr. Bingley had finished his tea, Mrs. Bennet noticed. She also noticed he was making cow eyes at her Jane more than normal. The extra attention caused her to blush a brighter red than she had seen since she was fourteen and received the first kiss on her hand. She had known Mr. Bingley was the one for her Jane.

She was a little surprised the Lucas boy was making eyes at her Lydia. She wasn't sure she liked that. Lydia was her special girl and deserved more than that dull boy, even if he was the heir to Lucas Lodge. She really wasn't given a chance to object as he sat himself down next to her and held her hand. She looked up to her husband and saw he was enjoying himself. She wondered why. What was going on that would cause her husband so much amusement? She looked in his line of sight and noticed what was going on; Mr. Darcy was kissing the insides of Elizabeth's wrists as she tried to wrench them away. Mrs. Bennet noticed she was trying to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to compromise herself. She would press the point with Mr. Bennet that night, Mr. Darcy was a good catch, and he would even understand all of Elizabeth's nonsense.

Charlotte Lucas, the oldest and plainest of the Lucas' children had one of the soldiers kissing her. It would be good for the Lucas' getting rid of her. She was a spinster and very plain, she wouldn't have married otherwise. This made her feel good; she was helping her neighbors by serving the love tea.

As she was observing the room, she became aware of a ruckus. Mr. Darcy was overcome by his passion and was embracing Elizabeth. She was trying to stop him, but he was too strong.

"Mr. Bennet, oh Mr. Bennet!" Mrs. Bennet shrieked. She needed to get him to talk to Mr. Darcy to have him do his duty and marry Elizabeth. Mr. Bennet noticed his favorite daughter's distress and moved to separate them. Mrs. Bennet could see him speaking in low tones with the couple, but couldn't hear what was said.

The evening came to a close with several people coming to speak with Mr. Bennet. Ed Lucas for Lydia, Mr. Bingley for Jane, Mr. Darcy for Elizabeth and Mr. Collins had already spoken to Mr. Bennet for Mary's hand. The only downside for the evening that Mrs. Bennet saw was the fact that none of the single men had been destined for Kitty. Mrs. Bennet thought four daughters engaged should be enough for now; she didn't need to be so greedy.

As Mrs. Bennet went to bed that night, she was satisfied how the use of the love potion as a tea worked out. She had four of her five daughters engaged, one to the heir, one to a very rich man (although for some reason Elizabeth didn't seem too happy about her engagement), one to a rich man and her precious Lydia would stay in the area, married to the oldest Lucas boy. She had even managed to get some of the neighborhood women engaged. Mrs. Bennet felt she was very magnanimous to have the other single men to fall for other single women with her potion. She fell asleep with a smile on her face, as she was sure her mother and grandmother would be proud of the way she used the love potion.


End file.
